SHEIKH MUHAMMAD AL-HABADAN AND TURANGA LEELA

Tuesday, October 7, 2008




Tuesday, October 07, 2008

This Saudi cleric (a "doctor in religion” perhaps?), came with this juvenile idea: veiled women should not be given the slit for two eyes anymore, but a niqab with a hole for only… one eye. Is his intention to create a new sect, the sect of the cyclops? No, of course not. The reason behind this silly story is very simple. We’ll get there a bit later.
Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world where women are not allowed to drive. As activist Wajeha Huwaider is now publicly campaigning for a change to the law, we might witness a truly weird reality: one-eyed women driving cars.
Besides totally disregarding these women’s freedom, Muhammad al-Habadan is also eager to endanger their health, as using one eye may lead to serious sight malfunctions. Moreover, who knows, maybe one eye might grow bigger than the other one and through evolution, move eventually slightly to the centre of the face, while what once was a second eye might lose its function and simply vanish. It sounds like a cheap, sci-fi scenario, but who cares, as we will not see this?
What a pity that the sheikh himself will not survive to see, with … both his eyes, the world of the one-eyed women.
The sheikh is sly. The truth lies in Futurama. He seems to be fixated on Leela, the one-eyed captain of the Planet Express Ship from Futurama, the American sitcom created by Matt Groening. Thus, under the pretext of the irritating makeup, the sheikh desperately wants to see… a cyclop. He wants this today and now, not in the distant future, to ease and conceal his surreptitious adoration of Leela.
Questions:
1. If women will be given a niqab with a hole for only one eye, where should the hole be situated: on the left or on the right side? As an “eye job” for a middle option is not possible at the moment.
2. What makes this cleric believe that if women are allowed to look at the world with only one eye, they won’t use kohl and mascara anymore?
3. Why not just put a barrel around their heads and give women a periscope? Thus, no one will see them.
4. If the periscope is excruciatingly too advanced technology for the oil owners, women could simply be put in a sack, like those used for rice, flour or potatoes. Thus, a new profession could be created in Saudi Arabia, opening the market to foreign workers: wheel barrel pusher. Women could be moved around in this environmentally friendly means of transport.
5. If this scenario is also too complicated, there is another thing left: the old basket. I intentionally use “old”, as, who knows, a new basket might turn on some perverts and make them rape the women wearing new, shiny baskets on their heads. Here, a little technical problem could get in the way: how tight the basket should be woven to let the woman see, but not be seen? I am sure that the Koran could give them the answer.
6. WHY NOT JUST BAN THE SALE AND USE OF THE BLOODY EYE MAKEUP?!
(This could be a divine revelation for Muhammad al-Habadan.)

Image source for Leela: http://www.fox.com/futurama/bios/leela.htm

Posted by Madi Lussier at 7:59 PM  

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